Day 3

Sorry my titles aren't exactly the most exciting but this is my journal. One that I hope to have for a while. I know where it is at all times, pages won't get destroyed and I know no one will try and take it from me. Although there's nothing like the real thing in your hands when it comes to anything <3

I've been jamming to Demi Lovato's new cd : Unbroken it's actually really good. I just hope she doesn't relapse or turns into another Disney dump. Stay Classy not trashy Demi *

Today's been a pretty good day. I scrounged around for changed just to pay for gas which sucked. I hate not having any money in the bank but I learned my lesson. Just because there's a clothing sale or anything doesn't mean I must buy it because even though it's on sale, those items eventually add up.

I make it sound so depressing when I say "Today was a good day" and I'm not saying everyday is miserable, and I try not to pick at the things that bug me. It's just there's nothing I can do well there is but I wouldn't sleep .

Sometimes I feel like there is so much I want to do but not enough time.
When I come home from school , I don't want to go out and get groceries. Ya I don't mind doing it but when I'm in school that's one thing I don't want to have to worry about. I feel like I have to do everything around my house . I love my parents and I understand they work on our farm all day there tired. well my mom does. She watches the stand from 9 to 6 and I would love to help out but I have assignments and chapters to read. I  don't want to have to come home and clean , do laundry and make supper. When I have two younger sisters. One who is 17 and the other is 18. Both capable of helping out. I know they don't have as much work as me especially since the school my sister goes to a school where they don't give out homework . Sometimes it happens but they try not to and I know she's capable of cleaning and such but my parents don't make them. On the weekend I try, but on the weekend I want to work, hang with the boyfriend, do my laundry and make sure I have clothes for the week and work on homework as well .

That's why I can't wait to get out, move on my own. Get a car , a job. A career. But when I leave my house it's "Do I make peace with my sister" or forget it since she doesn't deserve any second chances from me. You see she has hurt me, both physically and emotionally. It doesn't matter how old you are or gender, or even sexual orientation words hurt . She's gotten better and it's probably been I'd say almost 2 years since she last laid a finger on me. But she still has still said some hurtful words to me. Like she doesn't even consider me her sister and I honestly don't know what I did to her. She calls me immature and that I hold grudges but if it keeps happening it can't be a grudge and you may think it's not a big deal but to that person it is. Also if your sisters don't want to talk to you that's got to tell you something. I feel sorry for her, to think a person must try and make other peoples life so miserable to make they're life feel good.

Well I need to go back to my school work, enjoy the time I have now before field placement starts up again.  I do enjoy field placement and if I didn't I wouldn't be in the program I'm in it's just you never know what kind of place your going to end up at, the staff are they going to be nice? Will I be able to stay on task and do what I need to do and get the work I need to finish. They cram in more and more things that you will be doing and luckilly they lowered the amount  of work that you need to do which is nice but it's still can be a stressful time.

Okay I'm done now. For sure this time.

- A-